August 28, 2007 | Filed under: I'm a Dork, Is She Still Talking?

Every once in a while I do something even more dorktastic than I previously would have given myself credit for. Like right now. I’m sitting, Indian-style, on a pillow (the concrete of the patio was too cold) in my backyard, writing and watching the lunar eclipse. Yes, I had to set my alarm for 2 AM and get out of bed for the experience, which is pretty dorked out, but anything in the name of science, right? (My neighbors appear not to agree.)

I’ve been struggling lately with the sense that All Is Not Right In The World (by which I mean, my teeny tiny self-centered little world). That’s not to say that everything is wrong, just that I’m not 110% overjoyed, bursting at the seams, because Life! Is! So! Glorious! It continues to be a difficult adjustment for me — going from the ever-changing, ever-accomplishing life of a student to this thing we call Being a Grown-Up. Why did nobody tell me it would be so boring? For all intents and purposes, this is what my life will look like for the next thirty years. Approximately the same job, approximately the same personal life. Accomplishments that take six months or a year or two or five to achieve, rather than a semester. The feeling that things aren’t happening fast enough.

I sit here and stare up into the void, the moon covered by a shadow over all but a tiny little crescent at the bottom, which still effuses clear, bright light, and I am awed.

I realize simultaneously how insignificant my worries are and yet, how incredibly special life is. My life, the life of everything else on this planet. It boggles my mind, the knowledge that in the great big wide universe, in which the earth is but a speck and on which we are subatomic particles (relatively speaking) there exists … well, everything. Flora and fauna and huge land mammals and even huger sea creatures and just how is it that carbon and nitrogen and hydrogen and oxygen atoms combined to make all this possible? How incredibly fucking special are we that this is the only known place in the universe to support life beyond some simple-celled organisms. How incomprehensibly complicated the mundane life is day-to-day: wake up thanks to an electrically-supplied blaring alarm clock, shower with water purified and pumped in from a remote location, drive to work in an internal combustion engine vehicle powered by the pressurized remains of dinosaurs, are you kidding me? This is mundane?

After craning to see the moon through the bushes for the last half an hour, I’ve had to relocate. And maybe that’s the answer to my recent mental churning — life does move along, changes are happening, but at a pace that’s imperceptible to the impatient naked eye. We don’t notice until a major shift is required.

There are those who will say that a lunar eclipse is nothing special nor spiritual; an event that is explainable entirely through scientific theory. Me? I know better. It is a personally-addressed letter.

* * * * *

Dear Kate,

We hear you, with all your worries and concerns and trite little whinings. Please to have this can of Shut the Fuck Up.

Love,

The Universe

August 23, 2007 | Filed under: I'm a Dork, Is She Still Talking?

I should be running tonight, but instead I opted for a gajillion-calorie dinner and the pre-season Packers game. Ugh. Thursday nights are the worst.

I know most people dread Monday mornings and Wednesday is “hump day” (who the heck came up with that particular expression, I would like to know, because I find it just … icky, for reasons I can’t fully verbalize) but for me, the lowest energy point in my week is Thursday night.

One particular childhood memory highlights this beautifully. I was probably in second grade and my parents took us to McDonald’s for dinner, which was quite a rarity. I selected a cheeseburger and Hi-C orange drink (the usual) and dutifully ate my dinner without contributing much to the conversation. Fifteen minutes later, I was curled up on the hard plastic bench, asleep, a good hour before my bedtime. Ordinarily my mother would not have permitted such impoliteness (benches are for sitting on, not laying on, and I was certainly old enough to know better, especially in public) but I was so clearly wiped. out. that she let it slide.

In college I could nearly set my watch by what I termed my Thursday Night Headaches, which were just as they sound — headaches that routinely developed by Thursday night. (Some lucky weeks the headache onset came in the afternoon.) One student organization I belonged to held weekly exec committee meetings on Thursdays, 7pm. That was the longest year of my life, because we had important stuff to hash out each week and each week I felt like shit and each week I felt guilty for not being at my best and each week I resented the fact that that meeting was the only thing that stood between me and my bed. And they almost never ended on time.

It’s like my body says, “Pardon me, but I have spent the last four days getting the crap kicked out of me and now I am D-O-N-E, done. I know, conceptually, that there is one more day left in this week, but that fact means nothing to me.” I am tired, listless, have no decision-making skills, and want nothing more than to fall into bed and wake up on Friday morning, despite the fact that if I actually attempted this, I’d surely be awake by 4 AM on Friday, a time which, even for me, does not fully qualify as “morning.”

Needless to say, I am a fabulous addition to any Thursday night happy hour you may have planned. The over-tiredness is complemented quite nicely by a couple of beers, and pretty soon I magically have more energy but don’t care about a darn thing. And for someone whose brain is permanently stuck in overdrive, those hard-fought, not-caring moments, they are pure bliss.

July 27, 2007 | Filed under: I'm a Dork

I just remembered that I stuck a bottle of wine in the freezer last night, to chill while I made dinner. I didn’t end up drinking it with dinner, which means, uh, it’s still in the freezer. I hope.

July 18, 2007 | Filed under: I'm a Dork, Is She Still Talking?

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? Sorry, people, I did NOT intend to leave that up for three whole days, but I spent last night’s blogging time at kick-boxing class (more on that later) and on the phone with my brother. So, you lose.

Anyway. Idiots. Idiots at every turn.

Idiot #1: Stupid Thieving Thief

The Adele follow-up. Let’s talk about that, shall we? So, my friend(s) the thief(ves) (and of course I have no way of knowing whether it should be singular or plural. so we’ll just go with singular for simplicity) is … something. Something very special. First, he (again, not sure about sex, but just go with it), in an attempt to access the car, totally jacked up the lock on the passenger front door. Being unsuccessful at picking the lock, THEN he decided to break the window. Thanks for that.

I’ve already detailed the things he took, but let’s focus on what he didn’t take:

• The stereo. Yeah, kinda the point of breaking in, isn’t it? But while he managed to open up the dashboard with a screwdriver or other similar tool, he was not smart enough to unscrew four screws in the stereo housing. Those four screws were the only things securing the stereo to the car. And, again, it appears that he was in possession of a screwdriver.
• Also on the Did Not Take list — easily $10 worth of spare change, all neatly packaged in a Tupperware container. The spare change “jar” lives in the little storage cubby just beneath the stereo. So, you know, it would have been really out of his way to look in there. The console, the glove compartment, other storage places I don’t put anything in — he ransacked all those, but the storage area closest to the stereo? Why bother?

Idiot #2: Yours Truly

Sigh. I have spent the last week mourning the loss of my stereo. In particular, that mourning period occurs during the hour I spend driving to and from work each day. I miss my friends at NPR! My commute is just not the same! And, painfully, I recognize that this is entirely my fault because I still have the stereo and all I really need is the damn faceplate but my stereo is so old that nobody is selling said faceplate on eBay anymore and if only I’d gotten into the habit of keeping the faceplate with ME instead of in the car… Yeah. I take the faceplate with me when I hand over Adele for valet parking, or when I park the car in San Francisco for the weekend, but for routine errands or parking in my neighborhood overnight? Nope. Commence the public flogging.

Idiot #3: Best Buy

What with my completely inoperable stereo (flog flog), I set off to replace it right away. It seems a little frivolous, but really, I cannot live without my car stereo. My sanity would suffer. Without the stereo I spend all that time in the car thinking. We do not want that.

I found what I wanted, on (slight) sale if you purchase it on the Best Buy website. There are two components to purchase — the stereo and the iPod connector wire. (Yes, I’m totally upgrading from my 1-CD player stereo to a fancy dancy stereo featuring not one but two technologies that didn’t even exist in 2001.) I attempted to buy both items online for in-store pickup. Of course, with five stores in the greater Sacramento area, I couldn’t manage to get both the connector wire and the stereo at the same store, so I opted for in-store pickup of the stereo and had the connector shipped from online. And then the only store that listed the stereo in stock e-mailed to say, no, actually, they don’t have it, would I like to have it shipped from online? So now I await two packages sent via two different methods from two different distribution centers. We’ll see how much of a headache it is to get the Best Buy store here to install the online-purchased equipment.

Definitely Not Idiots: GEICO

Oh my gosh. I cannot say enough good things about my GEICO experiences, both here and when I had a little somebody-bumped-into-my-parked-car-and-didn’t-
leave-a-note-and-now-I-need-a-new-quarterpanel incident in DC. Seriously, I wouldn’t be too put out by the suggestion that perhaps I owe them a sexual favor or two. The customer service rep was great and got me an appointment right away on Thursday (not in the most convenient location, but the service was good so I won’t complain) and then the claims guy went through everything, waived my deductible and cut me a check for the dashboard component that they were able to pop back into place, rather than having to replace entirely. The check, coincidentally, will cover the cost of the new stereo. Later, I uploaded my police report right to the claim section of the website. Anything I can do, myself, electronically, without having to call or fax or mail a form to someone makes the Efficiency Queen in me absolutely jump with joy.

Idiot #4: Moi

Um, did you know my gym has a Turbo Kick-Boxing class on Tuesday nights? Because I did not. I was aware of (and have occasionally attended) the Monday afternoon class, but it doesn’t fit well in my schedule. Tuesday nights, though? I am so there. I am also so sore, holy jeez. Apparently I do not jab, hook or uppercut enough in my daily life — my upper back muscles are rather stiff and hurty today. Perhaps I should start hitting people more often … uh, it’s part of my training.

Idiot #5: The Wisconsin Alumni Association

And I quote:

Welcome to UW-Madison!

You’re about to begin a new chapter of your life — your fist year at the University of Wisconsin. We’re here to help make the transition to college (and to Wisconsin) a little easier.

You and your parents are invited to meet other first-year students from the New York City area. Get the inside scoop about campus life from recent Badger grads. And learn some red-and-white traditions before school starts.

Oh, where to start? How about with the fact that I already have a degree from this esteemed institution? Or maybe the fact that I do not currently, nor did I as a high-schooler, live in the tri-state area. Why did you send this to me??? At any rate, I hope those who do attend the NYC send-off have as much fun as I did sending off students from the DC area, and, more importantly, that the incoming freshman have as fabulous of a UW-Madison experience as I did. If I could make one suggestion, it would be this: less library time, more hockey games.

July 4, 2007 | Filed under: I Run Therefore I Am, I'm a Dork, Is She Still Talking?

Things I did not do today:

1. Get myself out of bed in time for a run in the (relative) cold of the early morning.

2. Engage in any patriotic/celebratory/firework-y activity.

3. Eat lunch.

4. Clean the house, do laundry, work, or otherwise be domestically productive.

5. Go to the movies with Tracy.

Corresponding things I did do today:

1. Went for an hour-long run that turned into a half-assed thirty-minute run because who knew it was going to be sweltering already at 10 AM???

2. Listened intently as various NPR celebrities read the Declaration of Independence. The whole darn thing, not just the preamble. Good stuff.
2a. Unintentionally wore red, white and blue. (It was a red and white tie-dyed shirt with jean shorts. No, I’m not sure why I own a tie-dyed shirt either.)
2b. Watched several episodes of Law & Order, thanks to TNT’s 24-hour marathon.

3. Munched on some snacks from Harry & David while watching Law & Order. Hey, making lunch would have interfered with their ability to carry out justice!

4. Took Adele in for an oil change and tire rotation.
4a. Killed time in Heaven Barnes & Noble.
4b. Read a month’s worth of Mimi Smartypants archives.
4c. Started a new book, bringing the total number of unread items on my shelf to a number somewhere in the 4-digits.

5. Got take-out and watched five episodes of Scrubs with Tracy. Waaaay better than any of the movies currently playing.

And now I shall tell you what to do:

1. Read Mimi Smartypants. Try it, you’ll like it. If you’re not patient enough to read all the old entries, just start today and keep reading.

2. Get thee a copy of this book. (Okay, clearly Amazon would like to make this difficult for you. Maybe try a different retailer.) I don’t read nearly as much as I should, but I like a lot of books and happily pass them along/recommend them to others unless they totally suck. (Examples of suckitude: One Hundred Years of Solitude — felt like it took 100 years to read; Anna Karenina — by the end, I wanted to throw myself off the train platform, too; We Were the Mulvaneys — your fucked up family beats my fucked up family, hands down, but there’s not even a nice little moral lesson to learn here. After WWtM, I swore off all Oprah Book Club selections, but in doing the links here I see that she selected those other two books at some point, though after I’d already read them. I rest my case.)

Ahem, sorry. Responsible Men came highly recommended …

[Me, upon learning the title: So, it's a work of fiction, then?

Him: Actually, I thought the title was redundant.

Me: You clearly don't know enough men.]

… by someone who knows the author. So far, though, it is wonderful. I’m not sure that it’s going to be A Book That Changes My Life, but it’s at least as engaging as the fluffy chick lit I read at the gym, and definitely a little deeper. The author manages to be insightful, but avoids getting too too heavy with the navel-gazing/psychoanalytical stuff, so there’s no need to save this for your next dark and stormy period of self-absorption.

My favorite passage thus far:

Not the future Caleb dreamed of, not the future he deserved. But who gets the future they deserve?

That’s going to rattle around in my brain for days.

Pick up a copy. Let us know what you think. Or leave suggestions of things you’ve read recently and liked. Forget Oprah, we can start our own book club here!