January 26, 2009 | Filed under: Boys Are Dumb

At the outset, let me just say, if you’re looking for happy! fun! entertainment! you should probably go elsewhere.  Unless you’re big into schadenfreude.

We ended things in December. Yes, “things” is about the only way to describe it, as it was never a real relationship. That doesn’t stop it from feeling like a real break-up, though, albeit with far fewer tears. Strange how that works.

Thus began the long, complicated work of being friends — a strategy I do not necessarily endorse, but did not want to be too quick to rule out. However, let me offer you three data points:

• Building a friendship is hard work, particularly when starting from this somewhat awkward point.
• He does not believe in hard work. Maximum output for minimum input is his M.O.
• In my entire lifetime, I’ve become friends with exactly zero people after dating them. Some people I’ve been friends with, then dated, then reverted back to friends, but that’s it.

You can see why I’ve been deeply suspicious of this approach.

Our first get-together ended in awkward silence, followed by a tortured e-mail conversation, wherein it was promised that things would get better, eventually, but with no game plan as to how “better” would magically come about.

Our second get-together was more civil. I chalk that up to occurring in the middle of the workday and mostly talking about work things.

Our third get-together was fine, until it ended abruptly. And then was followed by a phone conversation with honest-to-goodness yelling. And a terse e-mail conversation the next day, to wrap up some of the loose ends from the phone conversation.

So. This is the point at which I generally tell people to take a permanent vacation from my life. Right now, though, I don’t have a plan, a desired course of action. Part of me wants to be able to be friends. Part of me says it is not at all worth the aggravation. Another part of me just wants to take a nap. (I’d say that part is about 72% of the total.) Do you think I can just sleep this off like a rough night out?

1. pia says:
   

   Hmmm. I can only say, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you need a whole lot of time to process before you can be friends and sometimes that whole lot of time just helps you realize it’s not worth the stress and time. Some of the guys in my past would prefer I move to Mars, while two (one of whom I dated for years and years) were at my wedding this summer… really, you have to decide the value added to your life that this person brings and how much yelling and stress it’s worth. Just my two cents.

   January 27th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
2. K says:
   

   I agree with Pia. In my humble experience, it takes a long time to cool off and move on before a not completely aggravating and forced friendship is possible. My advice would be don’t push it too quickly, maybe you need several weeks/months of no communication (if that’s possible… he’s not a co-worker or next door neighbor, is he?). And yes, do get some sleep. Sleep can never be overrated!

   January 29th, 2009 at 10:56 am
3. chrystal says:
   

   Can we have a new post please? I’m tired of this one!!!

   February 5th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
4. chrystal says:
   

   and I meant that in the nicest way

   February 6th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
5. Superfantastic says:
   

   I was told that there would be a Valentine post.

   February 14th, 2009 at 11:20 am