September 6, 2007 | Filed under: Is She Still Talking?

Yes, last week — I’m a busy person. And yes, it took me a whole week to experience this much mirth. Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but this place is called “Daily Tragedies,” not “Daily Puppies and Rainbows and Other Things that Make Me Happy to Be Alive.”

Anyway. Here you go. Now you, too, can be happy, dammit.

* * * * *

Me: Do you have an X-acto knife? If so, can you bring it with you?
Him: What’s an X-acto knife?
Me: So that’s a “no” then, huh?

* * * * *

Her: Do you know how to cook tofu?
Me: Um, you can put it in the oven. Or in a pan on the stove.
Her: But, what do you put on it to make it taste good?
Me: I think I used some lemon-pepper seasoning. [I may have neglected to mention that it still didn't taste very good.]
Her: OK, maybe I’ll — oh! My Chinese friend is calling! Hopefully she can tell me how to cook this tofu.

* * * * *

On the radio: Great White’s Once Bitten, Twice Shy, immediately followed by Hootie and the Blowfish’s Hold My Hand. Sacramento DJs are on crack, I tell ya.

* * * * *

Me: Thank you. I really a lot appreciate it.
Him: Really a lot appreciate it?
Me: I know what I’m supposed to say here, but the fact is, you don’t make me nervous.
Him: I don’t think nuclear war could make you nervous.

[Oh, people, must I do everything for you? Here.]

* * * * *

Me: Well, there goes Michigan’s BCS bowl game berth.
Dad: Breaks my heart, too.

1. Leandra says:
   

   I would LOVE to see the demographics that radio station is trying to reach! Once Bitten, Twice Shy….ahhh..takes me back to tenth grade!

   September 7th, 2007 at 11:27 am
2. tanya kristine says:
   

   i think you’re my sister…

   September 7th, 2007 at 2:37 pm