September 5, 2007 | Filed under: Thinky
Hiking that weekend I saw a two families (obviously traveling together) with school-aged children stop to play in a pool of water at the base of the waterfall. Two boys and a girl, obviously the youngest of the three, but only by a year or so. The boys jumped in the pool headlong and came up shivering and sputtering and laughing about how cold the water was. One of them spent his time bobbing up and down, trying to figure out if it was more comfortable to be mostly submerged or half in/half out of the water. The other made a game of swimming to the waterfall, where the water was coldest, staying there for as long as he could stand it, then swimming back to the warmer side of the natural pool.
The little girl, however, despite being clad in her swimsuit, barely got wet. She hung out around the edges of the pool, squatting down to examine various rocks and poke at the sand with a stick. She watched the boys play, but didn’t join them.
I watched the three of them, the stark dichotomy between boys and girl: her quiet, self-contained play; theirs boisterous and exuberant. I willed her to jump in the pool, to exhibit the same sense of adventure and fearlessness as the boys, to be loud and splashy and undisturbed by the fact that to do so might be lack decorum or be disruptive. I wanted her to be more aggressive, more physical, more vocal. I wanted her to be comfortable with her body. I wanted these things for her, because a lifetime ago, that would have been me playing quietly on the edge of the pool, not willing to take the leap in. I wanted her to not have to wait until she is in college to feel empowered to speak and act assertively, to not feel constrained by what others feel is “appropriate” behavior for a girl.
It’s taken me days to realize that perhaps I needn’t have worried — that not joining the boys’ games did not signify a failing on her part. Rather, in eschewing the boys’ play and instead doing her own thing, she demonstrated that she’d already achieved that level of self-assuredness I sought for her — the ability to make and trust her own decisions — without really trying.
Posted by Daily Tragedies @ 11:14 pm | Make a Comment
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What a great post! As a mom to a daughter I think often about the type of girl I want her to be and the type of girl that she is so far (she’s only 2). I want her to be strong, assertive, smart, but I don’t want to pressure her into being something she may not be. Perhaps I should sit back and watch a little more, too.
September 6th, 2007 at 4:32 amI wonder, had that been me as a little girl, whether it would have been out of choice or fear.
September 6th, 2007 at 8:19 amEarlier this summer I went on a hiking binge. What better way to pass the time, shed stress and get a workout than by hiking in the Catskills? So over a period of weeks I visited several well known places and took pictures and told stories of my adventures to those that I work with. One such place was a two story waterfall, taller than Niagara, which legend says is the place Rip took his 100 year nap. The top tier rains down and collects into a pool of water, 4 ft deep in the middle but only a few inches deep toward the front, which then flows over an edge and thus begins the bottom falls. There is no severe current and an adult could stand under the falls without much effort. It is a far less threatening sight than the tale of the tape may suggest. Although falling over either edge would result in certain death, due to the many large, jagged, hard rocks, it is hard to do so unless you are extremely careless. There is no danger of the water ushering anyone to a timely demise. Needless to say, this spot is very popular for families to visit and linger. Anyway, one of my co-workers wanted me to take her there. So I did, along with 6 other people, one of which was her older sister. All in the 18-21 year old range. We arrived at the trail head, hiked the ½ mile to the bottom of the falls and soon parted ways. I had no desire to frolic in the puddle with the dirty half dozen I had led there. Instead I climbed to the top of the falls to take in the view of the surrounding mountains. From the top of the falls I could look down into the pool of water collecting below. The six of them, 4 guys and 2 girls, were all in the water having a grand ‘ol time splashing around and being loud. On my descent, I made my way to the basin to rendez-vous with my cohorts. Three of the guys were swimming in their boxer shorts, my 19 year old female co-worker was in her underwear, and the remaining male and my friend’s 21 year old sister were totally nekkid, posing for pictures which will undoubtedly end up on the internet somewhere.
So I guess there is an opposite extreme to your young girl at the water’s edge and my 21 year old exhibitionist. I think most parents would hope for a happy medium in their own daughters.
Sorry for the long post …
September 6th, 2007 at 6:07 pmGreat post, I liked it a lot. Children can be so much smarter than adults. The little girl obiously knew her own mind and hopefully, mom nor dad were chastizing her for it. That, is what tends to screw us up. Living to someone else’s choices instead of our own.
September 12th, 2007 at 2:33 pm